THE
BESHIRS SHARE THEIR EXPERIENCES ON PARENTING IN A BOOK THAT IS A HIT WITH MUSLIM
COMMUNITIES NORTH AMERICA Amana Publications www.amana-publications.com Also available from other suppliers
Dr. Ekram Beshir and Muhammad Beshir. With hundreds of books on the market on Parenting, many by experts in the field, this is a unique book in that it addresses the issue from the perspective of an Ottawa family's experiences and their deeply rooted commitment to their faith as a complete way of life. The book is also available in Arabic and a second edition in Arabic is being printed in Egypt. The book is currently being translated into German and French.
Over the past 30 years Muslims in North America have debated the issue of parenting in a non-Muslim society. This issue has been on the minds of countless Muslims in North America, most of them born in countries where the practice of Islam and the understanding of Muslim culture have been taken for granted. As the Muslim communities grow and the new generation takes root in a society quite different from that of their parents and grandparents, Muslim families have shown great concern over the continuation of their Islamic values and principles in future generations. Over the past three decades I have attended workshops and conferences on this subject; most of them dealing with theoretical concepts and presented by scholars who have not lived in the west or experienced the western culture, and by learned Muslim individuals living in North America who continue to address the topic in a very narrow and traditional manner.
When I was asked by a friend of mine what I thought of the book called Parenting in the West, I did not pay much attention and thought this was just one of those books that has been put on the market that basically tells you the same thing using different words. However, when he gave me a copy I put it aside for some weeks until the full title and the name of the authors caught my attention. The full title of the book is 'Meeting the Challenge of Parenting in the West - An Islamic Perspective' and I have known the authors Dr. Ekram Beshir and Muhammad Beshir since they settled as a couple in Ottawa some 25 years ago. The title of the book was interesting, I thought to myself parenting is parenting, so why should it be different in the west, east, north or south. Given my exposure to some writers who have tried to deal with the 'Islamic Perspective' in a scholarly manner, I was still not motivated to read the book, except for the fact that I knew the authors who were quite well known in the Muslim community, not only in Ottawa but across North America.
One day my nine-year old daughter begged me not to send her to the weekend Arabic school I had enrolled her in. After a short discussion with her, I realized what she was trying to tell me was that she does not fit in; she was frustrated and it was like I had placed her in an environment quite different from what she was used to. It was time to open that book that was sitting on the table in the basement; the clash in cultures was beginning to hit home and I was about to be pleasantly surprised by what the authors have to tell me or rather remind me of.
The book is in its second edition, the first edition was published in 1998. The authors are both professionals who were born in Egypt, but spent their married life in Canada raising four girls all born in Ottawa and to whom the book is dedicated. The book is a celebration of parenthood and at the end of it one is left with the correct impression that the Beshirs loved being parents and the love which they poured out to their daughters have been reciprocated. However, one should not be mistakedly left with the impression that their success story happened by chance or that love conquers all. It is clear from the book that they consciously embarked on the challenge of parenting with the sincere intention to embrace the values and principles of their Islamic faith. It is this aspect in the book that is unique and which sets it apart from any other book on parenting you will find on the market. The authors have stated in the preface of the book, "...this book is a map which includes every twist and turn on the road to the successful upbringing of children. It is the map that, with Allah's will, can show parents and their children the road to Heaven".
A major part of the book deals with Tarbiyah (Education). But Islamic Tarbiyah is more that what we may understand when we use the general term 'education'. It is a more than just "formal" education but as the authors point out "it is teaching the art of dealing properly with human nature at various levels and in different situations, thus ensuring a person's balanced upbringing that fulfils the purpose of his or her creation". Although the book is full of Qur'anic references and quotes from teachings of the Prophet Muhammad, it is an easy read for all interested individuals from all walks of life and of different faiths. The Islamic references will be recognizable to most Muslims but what is most interesting and is of credit to the Islamic knowledge of the authors is how the references are used and in the context in which they are presented to deal with the subject matter. The book also identifies and addresses the environment in western societies, obviously from an Islamic perspective. As in every society there are positives and negatives, and the authors have accepted the positives and have presented alternatives in dealing with the negatives. Some readers may not entirely agree with this approach or what have been identified as negatives, but the authors have come armed with impressive credentials - that is their own family success story, their understanding of Muslim culture, and their experiences in living in the west and working among both Muslim and non-Muslim communities.
Two chapters of the book deal with case studies and analysis of the case studies. This part of the book deals with the subject matter in a more formal manner and explains the theories using actual life examples. As a reference or teaching tool, these chapters will be valuable to teachers and childcare workers. But if you are an enthusiastic new parent or parent to be and have not dealt with the subject matter before, it is quite useful. For those of us who are already experiencing the challenges of parenthood we might just say "Oh no, I am reading about myself, I should not have done it that way; at least I know what to do next time".
A very movingl chapter is of course the chapter entitled 'Meet our Family'. The beginning of the chapter starts as follows "In this chapter we will treat you to something completely different". And so it was something completely different. The chapter is completely written by the authors' four daughters who are the results of following the guidelines, advice, and teachings articulated in the book. Each daughter talks about their relationship with each other and with their parents. Reading the chapter, you get a glimpse of the values inculcated by the Beshirs in raising their daughters, each child's accomplishments whether it be their academic accomplishments, poetry writing, their community activities, or a little bit about their individual personality. This chapter is a wonderful touch in concluding the book. After reading this chapter, I had to talk to them to get first hand, their reaction to the book.
The last chapter provides an easy and understandable list of "Tips to Remember". The book also comes with an excellent but short list of references on the subject of Parenting from both Muslim and non-Muslim sources.
Congratulations to the Beshirs for their effort and for their contribution to all Muslim communities. Its a book not only for the west, but for all corners of the earth and for interested parents of all faiths. It is fitting to conclude this review with one of the quotations cited in the book. Prophet Muhammad is reported to have told his companions "The best of you is the one best with his family and among you I am best to my family".