The Qur’an describes family as an “abode of peace,” a system with non- linear family dynamics based on the inherent equality of men and women that defines marital relationships in terms of, “affection and mercy between your hearts.” The Qur’an states that Allah, “Created you of a single soul, put affection and mercy between your hearts.” (Qur'an 3:195)
Therefore, the Qur’an stresses that Allah created men and women to live in peace and tranquility on the basis of equality; thus, from the Qur’anic perspective“…The ethical principles of husband-wife relationships are believed to derive from a conscientious commitment by both sides to the divine designation of marital union as an abode of peace and serenity.” (Ati, 1977)
Tranquility or the “abode of peace” in marital relationships is not based on gender distinction. Rather, it is an outcome of personal ethical behavior where two adults assume full responsibility for their own individual conduct in order to meet the religious obligations of mutual rights and responsibilities. The Qur’an stresses that both men and women have an obligation to develop themselves spiritually and morally, and to fulfill their social responsibilities; in this respect, the Qur’an is clear on the equal responsibility of both men and women for developing the public good. Indeed, it does not define tranquility in terms of masculine or feminine traits. Rather, it takes humans to “manifest the whole.” (Murata, 1992)
“… And remain conscious of Allah, in whose name you demand (your rights) from one another, and these ties of kinship. Indeed, Allah is watchful over you!" (Qur’an 4:1)
By placing marital relationships, in practical terms, on the basis of mutual rights and responsibilities pertaining to both men and women, the Qur’an holds each of them accountable to Allah for discharging their social responsibilities and obligations in an equitable and just manner. In fact, marital relationships serve as the arena for implementing the full equality of evaluating the behavior and actions of individuals, men and women, rather than specifying their deeds.
This is consistent with the overall scheme of the Qur’an when it deals with definition and structure of family.
In view of these factors, many classical scholars have been led to stress only the socio-legal and contractual elements of marriage in Islam at the expense of its ethical and moral aspects. In fact “The Qur’an and the Sunnah contain relatively minimal details regarding the legal specifics of family life. Yet it provides extensive ethical principles for marital relationships and family foundations... Unfortunately, over the centuries the majority of jurists focused their attention on the intricate, formal elaboration of these minimal details, almost to the exclusion of their ethical foundations.” (Ati, 1977)
There are several fundamental concepts that the Qur’an holds in the overall scheme of family system. At the foundation of this system the oneness of Allah (God), called “Tawhid” -- one single entity that is the source of all creation, giver of laws and rules to maintain balance and order in the cosmos and humanity.
From this foundation, are established the principles of: equality [a single point of human origin that negates superiority of either gender or race]; individual moral responsibility [the self that is responsible for personal acts]; free will [freedom of choice in the course of action]; guidance [the revealed text of the Qur’an as a direct link between the creator and the created]; justice [without just behavior there can be no peace]; and mutual rights [entailing partnership, collaboration, and team effort].
The Qur’an teaches that all human beings have the fitrah, or nature, that men and women are both God’s representatives on earth, and that they are equally capable of moral personality. In other words, it does not discriminate against human beings based on their biological sex.
Furthermore it emphasizes the principle of “piety,” which encompasses moral and ethical character, and social integrity; together they form the key elements of peaceful co-existence that result from compatibility of character and belief. “The intention of Islam is that the marriage tie should be a charter of mutual honesty, truthfulness, loyalty and cooperation.”
The Qur’an even goes as far as to set the criteria for choosing a compatible mate when it says that “corrupt women are for corrupt men, and corrupt men, for corrupt women -- just as good women are for good men, and good men, for good women…” (Qur’an 24: 26)
In addition, the Qur’an categorically forbids lust in marriage, saying that marriage should be based in “chastity, not lust.” (Qur’an 4:24)
Let us not forget that the ideas of prenuptial agreement, as well as mutual affection and sexual fulfillment, are comparatively recent developments from the West. The concepts of a marriage contract and of men and women living together in peace and tranquility, affection and mercy on an equal footing as “vicegerents of Allah” are 1400 years old in the Qur'an. In fact this radical message of the Qur’an is one that Muslims for centuries have deliberately chosen to ignore at their own peril.
The Qur’an stipulates a marriage contract as a religious requirement for safeguarding the financial interests of the married couple. It further stipulates the implementation of ethical and moral behavior as a religious requirement to safeguard the integrity of both marital and family relationships. As such, both are an essential part of the system of Islam. (Qur’an, 30:30)
Unfortunately, a great majority of young Muslims have bought into the modern ideas that family and children are expendable in favor of individuality, money, and wealth. The prognosis will not be very encouraging until the younger generation understands the Qur’anic marriage stipulations and abides by them, so as to re-establish the family as an abode of peace. "Do they not reflect on the Qur’an, or are their hearts locked up?" (Qur’an, 47:24)
(Wahida Valiante is a social worker and family therapist. She has presented several major papers nationally and internationally on family therapy based on the Qur’anic concept of human personality and human relationships. She is also a cyber-counselor with Islamonline, national vice-president of the Canadian Islamic Congress, and Chair of Islamic History Month Canada. She can be reached at nvp@canadianislamiccongress.com